no kink

Try Me On for Size by Stephanie Haefner

Posted on by Dirty Girl Anne

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Grade: DNF
Hotness Level: Inferno
Kink Level: No Kink
Genre: Contemporary
Published: 8/11/14
Reviewed by Anne
288 pages

I don’t DNF (Did Not Finish) a book very often at all.  It was especially disappointing that it happened now.  This book had a lot going for it.  For starters, the premise certainly caught my attention: Mia’s lingerie shop needs a big sales boost to save it from going under.  She and her partner decide on the idea of picking a spokespenis/spokesmodel and making dildos cast from his penis to sell in their store.  And what better way to pick the spokespenis than to try out five different models and choose your favorite?

The first glitch she runs into is one she doesn’t even recognize.  While she’s waiting for applicant number one, Oliver approaches her.  When he realizes she’s been stood up, he decides to go with the flow and pretend to be whoever she’s waiting for.

The book (at least as far as I read) had some enjoyable humor in it, but things went downhill fast.  Here’ are some notes I made while reading, Goodreads updates, and texts to Kate:  (book text in italics, my comments in regular font)

Page 3: spokespenis  Funny!

Page 12: And so far it hasn’t been all that orgasmic  Then you’re doing it wrong!

Page 13: spokespenis  Funny!

Page 14: “Only a real live vagina can get the data we need to do this right.”  Ok, I’m starting to like this – vaginas and data!

Page 15: waiting in a bar for Penis Number One to arrive Funny!

Page 21: “Mia opened the door and led him up to the third floor.  No turning back once she took him inside.  To her bed.  To test out his penis.” Funny!

Page 23: “Okay, so, I’ll need you to just kinda lay there and let me do what I need to, um…do.  Okay?”

“Sure, but shouldn’t I get a condom?”

“Wasn’t this already explained to you?  I need to see how you feel without any barriers.  We did the screening and we’re both healthy and disease-free, so it’s all good.”  Um.  No.  Not all good.  Lying at this point is pretty unforgivable, unless he just happens to have a test at home… (this is never mentioned again!)

Page 27: “Are you seriously telling me you had sex with this gorgeous man and didn’t have an orgasm?”

“I thought the point was to test it out and see how it felt.  Make sure it was the right size and girth and whatever.  I thought I was supposed to retain some sort of professionalism.”

“Seriously?  We’re going into the dildo business.”  Funny!

Page 40: “Oliver would not be celebrating this marriage.  He’d smile and do all the things a groom is supposed to do, but being happy about it?  Nope.”  What?!? He’s engaged?  WTF?

Goodreads update: Ugh. The “hero” is engaged to someone else, and we find this out after he has sex with the heroine. No. This makes me angry!”

Page 51: The thought of her with someone else made him feel as if his intestines were being yanked out through his chest.

An engaged guy shouldn’t be jealous that a woman he just met was having sex with another man.  But he sure as hell was.  OK, I’m reading on, but I really need her (Mia) to be thoroughly pissed that he cheated on his fiancée with her!

Page 51:  And in the high society they’d grown up in, an easy way to secure one [a proposal] was an unplanned pregnancy.  Nobody dared announce a bundle was on the way without a ring on that finger. Ew.

Page 51:  He might be working for this company…  Really?  He thinks he might go through with being the spokespenis?  Well, I guess that might be scandal enough to break his engagement?

Page 52: Was Mia in danger of losing her shop, her job?  He couldn’t let that happen.  Seriously?  Why would he care?

Page 53: …he suspected the pregnancy might not even be real. Excuse me, there are ways of checking on that.  And if she was so awful, why have sex with her.  Ugh.

Page 55:  And maybe, if he annoyed her enough, she’d leave him.  Problem solved.  Not really solved if she’s pregnant!

Page 70: Having him in any capacity would most likely end badly and she couldn’t risk putting the shop…  How would it risk the shop to have a relationship with him if he wasn’t an employee?  This is nonsense.

Page 80: “Hey.  When’s your next prenatal appointment?”

“I don’t know.  Why?”

“I want to go with you.”

He thought he saw a brief moment of panic in her reflection.  She turned to him.  “Why?”

“Isn’t that something dads-to-be do?”

“Maybe, but that’s not how I’m doing it.  I don’t want anyone there with me.  It’s a doctor’s appointment.  It’s private.”

There’s a red flag, and he just lets it go!

Page 90: “Have dinner with me tomorrow night.  I’ll take you on a real date.” Really?  What about your pregnant fiancée?

Page 92:”…Eww.  I can’t be married to some low-class Chippendales wanna-be.”… “I don’t care.”If he didn’t really care he should break things off.  He’s an ass.

Page 93:  Why couldn’t he just tell her he didn’t want to marry her?

He knew why.  The miniscule chance in the back of his head that maybe she was telling the truth about the baby. …  He had to find out for sure, before this went too much further. This is stupid.  Marrying her would bring a lot more drama than having a baby out of wedlock.  And he’s cheating!  Scummy!

Page 103:… he was a jackass for keeping it hidden.  Holy hell if she ever found out. Uh, yeah, he’s a total jackass.

Goodreads update: Alright. I’m going to dnf this one. I’m on p. 100 of ~260 and Oliver still hasn’t told Mia about his fiancee. And instead of manning up and breaking up with his fiancee, he just tries to be so awful that she’ll dump him. His fiancee is written as a one dimensional bad guy. She’s probably lying about a pregnancy, she’s shallow, lazy, and manipulative. And he has no problem having unprotected sex with Mia. Ugh.

Email to Kate:  I really hated this book.

So, that’s all I’ve got.  I’d say stay away from this book, unless you can work with cheating.  Disappointing.

When I Fall by Tamara Morgan

Posted on by Dirty Girl Anne

22393209

Grade: B
Hotness Level: Blaze
Kink Level: No Kink
Genre: Contemporary
Series: Montgomery Manor #2
Published: 8/11/14
Reviewed by Anne
262 pages

When I read the blurb for this book, I was really intrigued.  I wondered if I could enjoy a story about a character who seemed to have no redeeming qualities.  Becca is a socialite in all the tabloids described in the book blurb as getting through life one vodka tonic at a time.  When all cameras are on her at a night club she finds an unexpected savior in Jake, her older sister’s step son.  (That’s right, Becca is Jake’s aunt, if you’re keeping track!)  So, I dove into the book wondering how I’d feel and if the author could make me sympathetic to Becca.  I’ve really liked other books I’ve read by Tamara Morgan, so I was hopeful.

Then I started reading, and it got worse!  Not only does Becca try to drink herself into a stupor in order to try to sleep through the night, but Jake turns out to be a total wastrel.  That’s right, I’m using a historical term in contemporary romance, but it totally applies!  Jake drifts through life.  His family is loaded and he’s always had more money than he knows what to do with.  He’s never held a job and he’s involved in one scandal after another.  It got so bad that his father cut him off and he’s been couch surfing with friends who are willing to pay his way at clubs.

When he sees drunken Becca at the club, he does step in to minimize the damage.  At the same time, he’s thinking to himself that taking Becca home will probably give him a place to sleep for the night, as he’s getting tired of the friend he’s staying with.

So these characters are not very likable to me.  At all.  But that’s when the magic starts to happen.  The more I learned about Becca, the more I understood her and felt for her.  I never had quite as much sympathy for Jake as I did for Becca, but he turns out to have a huge protective streak for Becca.  So by page 85 I knew pretty much all their dirty laundry, and I was totally rooting for them.  It wasn’t just my sympathy for Becca and Jake that turned me around, it was that they were incredibly honest with each other.  Becca knew Jake needed a place to stay and he didn’t try to hide it.  They were very open with each other, and it was wonderful!

Even though I’ve said the characters aren’t very likable, there was a lot I liked about them.  I didn’t like how they’d chosen to live their lives – basically not doing any productive work and just creating scandal and partying.  I did like who they were.  Jake was very loyal to his family and very protective of Becca.

Becca was very honest about who she was.  She was sexually active and not ashamed about that.  I know there may be some romance readers who will have a problem with that, but I really enjoyed it.  Becca also turns out to be a lot stronger than she appears.  I would have had problems with this story if Jake had been the magical thing to make Becca better.  By the end of the story I was confident that Becca would have taken care of herself just fine without Jake.  Her life was better with him in it, but he didn’t save her, and I liked that!

The sex in this story is really hot and really well written.  There’s a lot more anticipation than there is sex, but when you get it, it’s worth the wait!

This story is also filled with humor, and a lot of it is pretty raunchy.  I loved that!  Becca has quite a potty mouth, and that seemed totally in character.  For example, here’s Becca’s reaction to seeing a crotch shot picture of her taken at the club the previous night printed in the paper:

“I like how they blacked my twat out with a star, “ she mused, tilting the picture so that her legs were vertical to her line of vision.  “It’s so much more exciting that way.  Like the force of my vulva cannot be contained.”

The worst part of this story for me was how sad Becca’s life was.  She was grieving a friend and depressed.  It was so horrible it was making me sad reading it, and I wondered how she could possibly be in a place to start a relationship – even a fake one!

I was also pulled out of the story at times by the many point of view changes.  It happened a lot and was hard to keep up with.

This is the second book in the Montgomery Manor series.  I didn’t read the first one, and I had no problem keeping up.  Tamara Morgan continues to write wonderful and witty contemporary romance!  She’s pushing herself up my favorite authors list!

So, I mentioned that it doesn’t bother me that Becca is sexually active and not ashamed of it.  That doesn’t bother me at all.  How about you?  Are you ok with a promiscuous female character?  Is it any different for you than it is if it’s a male character?

Fanning the Flames by Victoria Dahl

Posted on by Dirty Girl Anne

21966886
Grade: A
Hotness Level: Blaze
Kink Level: No Kink
Genre: Contemporary
Series: Jackson: Girls’ Night Out #0.5
Published: 7/1/14
Reviewed by Anne
84 pages

Jake is a widower and a fire chief.  Lauren, a librarian, is divorced from a close friend of Jake’s.  The fire station and the library are in the same building.  Lauren and Jake know each other, and each is attracted to the other, but neither has been ready to move on from their first marriages.  But it’s been years, and their mutual attraction and some observant friends are pushing them to do something about it.

Go read this book.  Now.  Seriously.  This is one of the best short stories I’ve ever read.  Darn near perfect.  Lauren and Jake both have grown children.  They’re both doing fine on their own, though they’d love a little companionship.  Watching them circle each other, and then finally move on each other?  So much fun!

It’s got an awesome “caught in the act” scene.  Reading about Lauren and Jake figuring things out was really just perfect from beginning to end.

I’ll leave you with a quote:

“Is that all it takes to make you happy?  Mid-priced Scotch?”

She laughed, but as her laughter died away, her eyes snapped with heat.  “No, actually.  It takes more than that to make me happy.”

Her voice had gone low and warm, and regardless of worry or guilt, Jake was damn sure not going to miss that hint.  “Lauren,” he said, setting down his drink. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m a little buzzed.”

“How buzzed.?”

Her gaze slipped own to his chest.  “Buzzed enough to tell you that I love watching you run without a shirt on.”

“Oh.”  That blasted all thought from his brain and left him blank for a moment.

“You’re really sexy.  I shouldn’t tell you that, but I’m buzzed and I really want to tell you.”

“Lauren—“

“Because you walk around without a shirt like it’s no big deal.  Like you don’t even know.  And Jake?  It’s really, really…” She reached out her hand slowly, fingers brushing over the fabric of his shirt.  “Distracting.”  p.44