Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

15858248
Grade: B
Hotness Level: Inferno
Kink Level: No Kink
Genre: Contemporary
Published: 11/27/12
Reviewed by Anne

Caroline moves into her new apartment and loves it.  Until she wakes up in the middle of the night to the sounds of her next door neighbor having sex.  The walls are paper thin and she can hear everything.  The next night she hears him with a different woman.  And the next night with a third.  That’s when she’s had enough and she stomps over to pound on his door…

So, I’ll admit, I’m late to the Wallbanger party.  I remember reading reviews long ago and putting it on my “buy this book and read it soon” list.  I’d heard it was funny, and it really is!  I’d also heard it was Twilight fan fiction, and that ended up taking away from my reading experience.  Because it was so easy to see who was who, I had some expectations.  It was very jarring to me when the characters acted differently than their Twilight personalities.  And just when I had accepted Caroline and Simon (the wallbanging neighbor) as “Caroline and Simon” instead of “Edward and Bella,” they go and do something very Edward and Bella-ish.  It was very frustrating to me!

For most of the book I really loved the pacing of the relationship between Caroline and Simon. When I realized what a man whore Simon was, I was worried that Caroline would join his harem.  I was so glad that they became friends and things developed at a slower pace between them!

Caroline and her friends were funny.  I really enjoyed the secondary storyline about her friends’ relationships.  I can’t say enough how much this book made me smile!

On the other hand, there were some things that really bothered me.  The story is told primarily from Caroline’s point of view, which was fine, but there are a couple places where it jumps to someone else’s point of view.  It was done for comedic effect, and it was funny, but it was also a bit jarring.

Another annoying thing is the pacing of Caroline and Simon’s relationship.  I really liked it going slow in the beginning.  However, once they start dating, they both seem to really want sex but aren’t having it for a really long time – to the point of ridiculousness.  Even more odd, they don’t actually talk about it.  Caroline makes a decision as to when she thinks the right time is, and Simon seems to instinctually know this and agree.  That had me rolling my eyes.  It also made me yell at my iPad – “I don’t care what kind of food you’re eating!  Just have sex!”  Because, seriously, there was a lot of food description to wade through before there was any sex.

The worst thing about this story, though, was that Caroline has “lost” her “O.”  She hasn’t had an orgasm in a very long time and she misses it.  Does she take matters into her own hands?  No.  Why not?  I have no idea.  Seriously, this was the dumbest thing, and she kept going on and on about it.

Still, despite all that, I enjoyed the book.  I don’t know if I’ll read more Alice Clayton or not.  I’m not sure the enjoyment was worth the annoyance, especially because, as time goes by, I just seem to remember the annoyance, and not the enjoyment.  The author is writing sequels to this book, about the same characters.  I’ll probably be tempted in a weak moment – the banter between Caroline and Simon is pretty awesome!

Slave Girl by Lisa Cach

20736296
Grade: D-
Hotness Level: Inferno
Kink Level: Mild Kink
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Series: 1,001 Erotic Nights #1
Published: 7/28/14
Reviewed by Kate
90 pages

Nimia has been Sygarius’s slave for 9 years now.  No one is allowed to touch her and she’s not allowed to do any hard labor.  Sygarius, a Roman leader, is training her to become his concubine when she becomes a woman.  And that time is drawing closer.  Nimia is looking forward to the time she will finally be able to use all of her training, until she spots Clovis.  Clovis is the son of the king of Franks and has come to Sygarius’s along with his father for discussions.  When he spots Nimia, they are drawn to one another.  But she is Sygarius’s alone, or is she?

The writing in this one keeps you turning the pages.  There are politics aplenty that keep you guessing what comes next.  Being told only from Nimia’s point of view, the reader is kept clueless as the events unfold.  We are left wondering at the true intentions of Sygarius and Clovis.

Sygarius’s obsession with Nimia is borderline disturbing.  Borderline, simply because she is his slave and in this world that appears to be acceptable.  And the fact that he is saving her for himself almost makes him her savior.  Clovis is instantly drawn to her, yet approaches her without regard to the effects it may have on her life in Sygarius’s household.

As for romance in this one, I’m going to say that there’s not really any.  There are relationships with both Sygarius and Clovis, although there appears to be no feelings from either (other than possession).  Nimia herself doesn’t really seem to have feelings for either of them.    Fair warning:  this one is filled with swords, branches, and rods.  As well as flowers, petals, scabbards, and cunny (gak-that’s my least favorite ever).  So although it is extremely descriptive, I found myself chuckling at times.

Sadly, this one didn’t work for me on many levels.  Maybe it was all the “cunny” references.  Or perhaps her initiation rite.  Yep.  Probably the initiation is when I decided I was done.  It is the first one of a serial so perhaps there is hope.  If you like your heroine with multiple partners and like politics, this one might be worth a shot, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone looking for a more standard boy-meets-girl-and-instantly-falls-in-love romance.

So the word cunny is going on my list of descriptors I never want to read again.  Along with the combination of sword and scabbard.  How about you?  What are the words that you never want to read in a sex scene?

Should’ve Been Home Yesterday by Inez Kelly

16647445

Grade: A-
Hotness Level: Inferno
Kink Level: No Kink
Genre: Contemporary
Series: Country Roads #3
Published: 7/21/14
Reviewed by Kate
189 pages

One night filled with alcohol and passion leaves Molly knocking at Webb’s door to tell him she’s pregnant.  A quick Vegas weekend later and they’re married.  Molly has been in love with Webb since she was eleven and hopes that he’ll come to love her as well.  But if he’s always holding himself back, will their marriage even have a chance to get off the ground?

Molly has know Webb her entire life (he’s 10 years older than she is), their families have been business partners going way back.  And she’s been in love with him just as long.  But there’s a huge, sad history standing between the two of them.  Webb knows that he can never make up for all the things that happened in the past, but he just can’t hand his heart over to Molly either.

This one started off with a strong pull on my heartstrings.  I love a marriage of convenience story and this one was one of the best that I’ve read.  Webb is determined not to risk his heart and Molly is just as determined to win it for herself.  The mystery of their past slowly unfolds through flashbacks and was perfectly combined with their present day romance to create a page turner that made me seriously book cranky.  An “interrupt me at your own risk” book.

A marriage of convenience, love that’s been hidden for years, a mystery about their pasts, and just enough suspense to keep your heart pounding.  This one is going on my year’s best list!